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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26115733">She Was</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/haunted_by_catholic_guilt/pseuds/haunted_by_catholic_guilt'>haunted_by_catholic_guilt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, I made myself sad, Past Character Death, Self-Harm, might be a mental breakdown</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:29:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>813</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26115733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/haunted_by_catholic_guilt/pseuds/haunted_by_catholic_guilt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Tim? Oh- it’s alright, you can cry, it’s ok”</p>
<p>Martin had made his way over to him and set his hand on Tim’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“It- it’s not fair.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sasha James/Tim Stoker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>She Was</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was listening to "Go Tonight" from The Mad Ones and this came into my head, made me sad, and now I will use it to make you sad. </p>
<p>'She was, she was<br/>Everything I'm not, my whole universe<br/>When I was, a footnote, a slim second verse<br/>But she was, the chorus, the hook and the groove<br/>And without her there pushing somehow I can't move'</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tim let out an anguished cry, and slammed his fist against the brick wall of the Institute, it was late so no one was inside save for Jon and Martin, maybe Elias, but they were the last people he wanted to see or think about.</p>
<p>He slammed his fist against the wall again, and again, and again until he couldn’t feel his fist anymore, and then he kept doing it.</p>
<p>Sasha was gone and no one even noticed, his best friend was gone and he didn’t notice.</p>
<p>His fist collided with the wall again and he closed his eyes, and all he saw was Sasha.</p>
<p>He and Sasha sitting on his beat-up couch, watching shitty television and eating greasy pizza.</p>
<p>He and Sasha on his bed, in each other's arms.</p>
<p>Sasha holding him close as he sobbed after a nightmare about Danny.</p>
<p>He let out another cry and slammed his fist into the wall with a sickening crack, he hardly noticed.</p>
<p>“Tim?”</p>
<p>A warm and concerned voice, he knew who he belonged to.</p>
<p>“What do you want, Martin.”</p>
<p>His voice was sharp and lined with venom Martin did not deserve, but he couldn’t care.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Martin sounded worried, but all Tim could do was laugh.</p>
<p>“Do I look okay to you?”</p>
<p>Martin sighed and carefully approached him, not moving too fast, like he was approaching a rabid dog.</p>
<p>“Let’s go inside, your bleeding a lot, okay?”</p>
<p>Martin was so full of love, Tim growled at him, but when he finally looked at his hand, and then to Martin's face, he knew he should just do what Martin was asked.</p>
<p>He was angry, he was hurt, but he knew Martin was in the same position as him, it was easy on any of them, Jon was wanted for murder, and it was clear Martin was trying to be strong.</p>
<p>Tim let Martin lead him inside, and set him down at the table in the breakroom when Martin left to grab the first aid kit, Tim swore he heard Sasha’s laugh, and he felt himself clench his fist and he felt tears prick at his eyes, and he didn’t even realize he started crying until Martin got back.</p>
<p>“Tim? Oh- it’s alright, you can cry, it’s ok”</p>
<p>Martin had made his way over to him and set his hand on Tim’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“It- it’s not fair.”</p>
<p>Tim’s voice was shaky, and he began to sob, Martin’s heart broke, and he moved forward and gathered Tim in his arms.</p>
<p>“I know, it’s not fair, I’m so sorry Tim”</p>
<p>They stayed like that for a while, until Martin pulled away and sat in the chair across from Tim, and lightly grabbed his bloody hand.</p>
<p>His knuckles were black with bruises, and the tops of them had almost no skin left, all of it scrapped off by the wall, it was bloody and Tim winced as Martin grabbed his hand.</p>
<p>“Tim, this might be broken we should go to AnE”</p>
<p>Tim scoffed and his hand twitched.</p>
<p>“It’s not broken, I don’t need help”</p>
<p>He tried to pull away but Martin didn’t let him, he just set to work cleaning the wounds, and putting antiseptic cream on them.</p>
<p>“Tim, I know you’re hurt, but this isn’t how to deal with it, hurting yourself, it’s not okay.”</p>
<p>Tim didn’t want to look at Martin's face, but he knew Martin was starting to cry too, and his voice was soft and worried.</p>
<p>“Please, come talk to me, I don’t care what time it is, I just don’t want you to do this again.”</p>
<p>He was wrapping the bleeding hand and wrist now, but he didn’t remove his hand from Tim’s arm but lifted his other hand to brush Tim’s face.</p>
<p>“I miss her too, Tim, but we can get through this together.”</p>
<p>Tim was angry, he didn’t know why, but he pulled away from Martin, and stood up.</p>
<p>“You don’t understand, you don’t- you don’t get it, Martin”</p>
<p>He looked at Martin's face, the bags under his eyes were larger then he had seen them, and they were red and puffy too.</p>
<p>“Tim, I know, I’m sorry that she’s gone, I know you’re mad.”</p>
<p>Something about it made Tim break all over again, and he fell to the floor, hands in his hair, pulling at it, as he knelt on the floor, sobbing loudly.</p>
<p>He didn’t hear Martin move, but he did feel him next to him, his comforting voice telling him something, and being pulled into his arms, he couldn’t understand Martin's kindness, but he appreciated it.</p>
<p>Tim was sobbing and all that was going through his head was Sasha, but not even the real Sasha, whatever stole her face and that revelation just made him sob harder.</p>
<p>“It’s not fair, it’s not fair”</p>
<p>Martin just held him tighter, and they sat there until they both fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>'You were mad to reach<br/>Mad to drive<br/>Mad<br/>Mad<br/>And so alive<br/>The space you left<br/>The empty air<br/>I reach<br/>Reach<br/>But you're not there'</p></blockquote></div></div>
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